Due to all the pressure of the past few weeks (self-caused of course), I lie awake at night from the pain but also from the constant thinking.
Constantly the same questions come up in my head: Do I do well to move? Will I be happy in the home that I have now been offered? Is this the right choice?
And after 3 nights I came to the conclusion that I am happy everywhere, can turn any house into a home, and that I make the right choice, but that these questions were actually only because I physically look up to a move. The tension stress and chaos, the pain that comes up again and not a moment of peace because I think I should do it all. While there are so many who want to help me, and all get it when I am quietly going to unpack a box when they are lifting everything inside. But that does not feel right, that feels like I'm hitting them with my move. And that is the inner struggle we all experience with everything we do for which we need help. I myself can not give control because everything I can check I want to check because there is no possibility to have any control over my body than I demand it in all other things that I do. And dn means that I have to be everywhere in terms of relocation, but how do you do that if your old house is one and a half hours away from your new home. So then my head goes a step further that means that I have to give someone the control in one of the houses to arrange things there while I am in the other house. But I know how I am out of frustration, pain and no control over the situation, I can sometimes react creaky (say it neatly) so who can have that. After not so long thinking I come to my mother who knows like no other how I am, who understands my frustrations and we know from each other that every action and action comes from love so well meant. Just did not tell her ..... But now about the creative aspect of this story, I love pink accents in the house but at one point I was finished with it so I had done quite a few things in a bag and cleaned up. Now with the whole move approaching I'm looking for everything and tada bag with pink lanterns, pink buddha and glass vases. So I thought sin to do away with, what can I do with it. And on a sleepless night I thought I could paint them black, also the glass vases and then see what it looks like!
Have to say find it quite successful. Sleepless nights can express themselves in creative ideas, but to be honest, I would rather sleep than to think of fun things. -xxx-
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