At the beginning of this year, I decided to start doing and discovering new things, and mainly making choices that I have not dared to make for years. I thought my first difficult choice for myself is only to America on vacation, I want to apologize for years. So this year you are going, you can be smart and wise enough to go alone. You will save yourself so you do it. But now 24 days in this new year and I make the biggest decision ever in my life, 10 years ago I moved from my place of birth to Assen more than one and a half hours away. I left everything behind because that's how I was, so I wanted to do that. the house where I have lived with love in April 10 years with love was for sale, but were not yet buyers and have a rental contract without an end date so it will be fine. But January 22, the telephone call was sold, there may just continue to live a year. But still I started thinking !!! Now that the physical occasionally is less, I do need more help in terms of groceries, housekeeping and, above all, mentally what more help is needed I started to think. Am I going to stay in Assen or what do I do? And without me understanding or knowing it, I felt deep inside only one thing and that was back to Emmeloord, to my parents, brothers family but mostly back home. And then suddenly I understood my feeling of the past months, all those years I went back to Assen with the idea oh nice back home, but now the last few months I thought when I came to my parents oh nice am back home! In my subconscious mind it was already a lot longer and I knew it immediately, I have to do this. How heavy and difficult it will be mentally and physically I have to go back!
I leave memories here good and bad, I collapsed here after the diagnosis and all the blows that followed, but here I found myself also. Here I have made myself stronger, and accepted that this is the case and nothing can be changed about it. I leave here my Best Girlfriend Soraya who always sees through my mask, and knows when I need her without me having to say anything without her I had never become so strong. I leave here my best friend Patricia who, at times when it was not heavy, showed me the reality, which made me feel like I did, who pushed me through the whole efteling for two days without whining, her son Jelani whom I see as my nephew, who gave me many moments of laughter, melting moments and proud moments. Here I leave Mona behind my second mother, whom I may occasionally borrow from Soraya, the quiet and quiet maternal advice and hugs that I am going to miss. But despite all the tears and infinitely worrying, even if I physically leave, I do not go away.
These people stay in my heart forever and despite the distance I will be there when they need me, I will be there to listen, I will come by until you are fed up with me.
This was my first real choice I made for myself in a long time, and the moment I made it I felt a peace, even though my head is a very emotional roller coaster I felt calm it is good.
And then all the sweet reactions because I'm going back, my brothers who both react very enthusiastically and sincerely with oh, how nice, nice, delicious! My mother who can not wait until I am there, my father, of course, but he only thinks that with a move, but deep inside I am very happy that I am back.
That felt so good, I make the right choice no matter how difficult he was. and maybe secretly very secretly I am proud of myself that I have only made this choice, and only very selfishly thought of myself !!! -xxx- Kim
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